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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Sabi ng friend ko sa email niya:

“Naniniwala din kasi ako na TRUST ang foundation ng any relationship. Yung LOVE siya lang yung front ”

Mukhang iaapply ko to dito sa office… hmmm… mahirap talaga basta basta magtiwala kaagad sa tao… di mo alam sa umpisa lang mabait… kala mo tunay na kaibigan yun pala hindi… di mo na nga nakasama sa bad times… mambabadtrip pa pag masaya ka… di na kasi niya ko napapakinabangan so ok lang na ganun isipin niya… grabe nakakatakot dumikit sa mga ganung tao at ang malas ko nakakilala ako ng isa… gosh… Im so sad…

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No matter the type of relationship, be it romantic, friendly, or between parent and child, an essential ingredient is trust. Trust defines every interaction in a relationship, it builds intimacy and it strengthens bonds. Without trust no relationship can thrive. Unfortunately people don’t always cherish trust the way that they should. Because it is often given freely at first it is also easily taken for granted. When trust has been damaged it can spell doom for a relationship and it can be very hard, if not impossible, to earn back.

Whether or not trust can ever be restored depends on how badly it was damaged and how much the spurned person feels betrayed. If you’ve had your trust betrayed then you know how hard it can be to let go, move on and fix the relationship. More often than not the burned person just wants to cut their losses and end the relationship, and who could blame them? But if you do want to repair the damage, if you want to salvage the relationship and rebuild trust, there are some steps you need to follow. While the person who damaged the trust has their work cut out for them in earning it back the person who was hurt also has a job to do. So how do you move past a major burn and put things back on track? It’s hard but it can be done and these three pointers can help.

  1. Let your anger out.
    In a quest to save a relationship people who have been hurt often bend over backwards to please their betrayer. Why? Because when we have been betrayed or burned the person who hurts us has sent a clear message that on some level we don’t matter to them as much as they matter to us. In a rebound state of fear of loss this often translates in to the hurt party trying to earn back the other person’s good opinion. It is a knee-jerk reaction and always ends in resentment. The best way to start the healing process is to acknowledge that there has been pain, betrayal and a loss of trust. Once the cards are on the table everybody will have a clearer picture of what they need to do to set things right.
  2. Resolve to let it out and then let it go.
    Once you let your feelings out you need to let the incident go. This does not mean blind forgiveness, but there is an element of forgiveness involved in this step. If the person who hurt you apologizes and you accept then you need to never rehash the incident. Doing so will only bring back your anger and keep you in emotional limbo. Don’t bring it up as a weapon. Don’t hold it over the other person every time you feel wronged in the future. Acknowledge that it happened, make your feelings and expectations known, and then stop focusing on what damaged the trust and set your sights on rebuilding. You’re only human, you may slip up and throw the incident in the face of your betrayer and if you do don’t beat yourself up over it, apologize and move on. While this step may seem like letting the person who hurt you get off easy in reality you are making things easier on your self by allowing yourself to be hurt and moving past it.
  3. Know that things can never go back to the way they once were and keep your eyes wide open to future betrayals.
    The sad reality is that once trust has been damaged it can’t simply go back to the way it once was, no matter how much both parties may want it to. People who do not value trust enough to respect it in the first place more often than not continue that pattern in the future. This doesn’t mean that it is a waste of time trying to rebuild trust it just means that the new trust has to be different. Call it a more mature trust. While trusting a person who has hurt you isn’t impossible it will never be the same kind of wide-eyed trust we give to people when we first let them in. This is not really a bad thing even though it may seem like a loss. Seeing people for who they really are rather than through rose-colored lenses can be a healthy thing. So when you decide to try to give trust a second chance just know that you will be more sensitive to the prospect of another betrayal and forgive yourself if doubt seeps in without real reason.

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it was sent again to me by my friend through email. gustong gusto na niya talaga ako makapag move on kasi  siya sumasalo sakin eh. baka mapagkamalan na siyang tomboy niyan hehe. thanks to her dahil di ako napapariwara:P She guides me when times na wala ako sa sarili at maligalig hehe! Iba talaga ang tunay na kaibigan. Hindi ka iiwan sa mga panahong kailangan mo na talaga ng tulong. The best!

Instructions

Moving On

  1. Step 1

Remember that time heals all wounds. Give yourself plenty of time to heal and recuperate. Put away pictures, gifts or any mementos that remind you of your ex. It is natural to experience feelings of denial, but do your best to resist the urge to call your ex and ask to get back together. Immediately after a break-up, you are at your most vulnerable state so be careful not to get into a rebound relationship that may prove to be a mistake. You can avoid some of the pitfalls such as drowning your sorrows away in alcohol by channeling all of your energy into positive activities that make you feel good about yourself.

  1. Step 2

Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Talk about how you’re feeling and allow them to comfort you and offer you advice. A break up can be a very lonely experience, therefore, surrounding yourself with others that you love and trust will help to erase some of the loneliness. Don’t try to deal with the experience all by yourself. In fact, go out and meet new people, rebuild old relationships, network and immerse yourself into social situations. Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy with the people you love, and don’t dwell on the past.

  1. Step 3

Go out and have fun. Don’t stay home and sulk as it will only make you feel more miserable. Round up a group of friends and hit the town. Do something fun and exciting like a night of dancing or bar hopping. Plan a weekend beach or camping trip or take a quick out of town getaway. Going out with friends will remind you that being single can be just as fun as being in a relationship. It will also help to keep your mind off of your ex.

  1. Step 4

Take some time off for yourself. If you can, take some time off work and get away from the world for a while. Use this time to reflect on your life and expectations for the future. Enjoy your time alone with relaxing activities like reading, taking long baths, watching your favorite movies or engaging in a favorite hobby or pasttime. Basically, take this time to do whatever makes you feel the most relaxed and calm. It is important to clear your mind of all negative feelings, and relaxing will help you to slowly let go of any lingering bitterness.

  1. Step 5

Start dating again. After you have given yourself adequate time to get over your last relationship, you should consider getting back into the dating game. Allow yourself to fall in love again and enjoy the start of a new relationship. Be careful to not rush things and take the time to really let your partner into your life. However, take care not to be consumed in this or any other relationship because you never know when another break-up may happen.

Tips & Warnings

  • Whatever you do, don’t let a break-up get you down. Remember that everyone experiences break-ups regardless of age, race, class or social status. Even celebrities go through bad break-ups, so don’t let the end of a relationship destroy your self-esteem.

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Sabi ng isa ko namang friend internalize ko daw yung number #4 hehe. pero hinighlight niya sakin ng bonggang bongga yung #10

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  • Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.
  • Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, “You would do it if you loved me!” tactic.
  • Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
  • Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person’s happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
  • If somebody asks you to do something that you don’t want to do in order to “prove” your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don’t ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
  • It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
  • It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don’t beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
  • Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
  • Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability. (ganito dapat ang thinking J, wag isiping mababa ka dahil ayaw na sa iyo)
  • Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.
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    This is got to be the saddest day of my life
    I call you here today for a bit of bad news
    I wont be able to see you anymore
    Because of my obligations and the ties that you have.

    Weve being meeting here everyday
    And since this is our last day together
    I wanna hold you, just one more time.

    When you turn and walk away
    Dont look back
    I wanna remember you, just like this
    Lets just kiss and say goodbye.
    —-
    I have to meet you here today
    Theres just so many things to say
    Please dont stop me til Im through
    This is something I hate to do.

    Weve being meeting here so long
    I guess what weve done, all was wrong
    Please darling, dont you cry
    Lets just kiss and say goodbye.

    Many months have passed us by
    (Im gonna miss you) Im gonna miss you, I cant lie
    (Im gonna miss you) Ive got ties and so do you
    I just think this is the thing to do.

    Its gonna hurt me I cant lie
    Maybe youll meet, youll meet another guy
    Understand me, wont you try, try, try, try, try, try, try
    Lets just kiss and say goodbye.

    (Im gonna miss you) Im gonna miss you, I cant lie
    (Im gonna miss you) Understand me, wont you try
    (Im gonna miss you) Its gonna hurt me I cant lie.

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     1. There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates. There is only the love that you work hard for with your significant other. That in itself, is real love.

    2. Love does not simply fall into place, that is infatuation. Love takes hard work, and as soon as one fails to do so, it will crumble as a whole.

    3. Communication and honesty are the key foundations to a loving relationship. Both must be present or all will fail.

    4. If you are not focused on your significant other for companionship, you are cheating. If you feel the need to hide your conversations with another man from your partner, you are cheating.

    5. When looking for a life partner, search for compatibility instead of acceptability

    6. You can’t try to change a person to someone you want, you must accept the person for who they are. You can only change yourself.

    7. Aim to strive for a better you, but don’t let another person change who you are.

    8. NEVER EVER pressure or guilt your loved one into doing something they don’t want to. Do not emotionally blackmail them by making them feel guilty.

    9. Do not let your partner become like your mom. Some of them like to do that and it’s up to you to know when the line is crossed.

    10. Do not backtrack, keep pushing forward or you’ll end up in a non productive circle. Accept the truth for what it is and stop giving yourself false hope. When the relationship has ended, you must not dwell in the past.

    11. Having a sense of humor is a good thing in general and for a relationship. However, know when you are crossing the line between humor and insensitivity.

    12. They might expect you to know what they are thinking without having to tell you, so keep this in mind and pay attention to what they say, their attitude and their actions.

    13. When the times are tough, your family and friends are always there for you. Remember what they have done during the hard times and keep them in your heart always.

    14. Do not build your life around the person you love and vice versa. Have them a part of your life but do not make them your life.

    15. When you love and accept reality, you will be forced to move on without the bitterness within. Strive for this.

    16. Take responsibility for your feelings and the actions you make.

    17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it’s better to end it sooner than later.

    18. Do not look for a rebound after a serious relationship has ended. It’s unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex.

    19. Cut all ties and avoid contact for your own sake. NC is the way to go after a break up.

    20. Eat right, sleep well, and work out to get ripped after a break up. You will feel so much better about yourself and will take your shirt off at every given chance^^

    I have read this in a forum. I think I’m going to agree with this… hopefully in my next relationship I could applied all the lessons I have learned in this situation I am facing of…

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    One more kiss could be the best thing

    Or one more lie could be the worst

    And all these thoughts are never resting

    And your not something I deserve

    CHORUS

    In my head there’s only you now

    This world falls on me

    In this world there’s real and make believe

    And this seems real to me

    And you love me but you don’t know who I am

    I’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand

    And you love me but you don’t know who I am

    So let me go, let me go

    I dream ahead to what I hope for

    And I turn my back on loving you

    How can this love be a good thing

    And I know what I’m going through

    CHORUS

    In my head there’s only you now

    This world falls on me

    In this world there’s real and make believe

    And this seems real to me

    And you love me but you don’t know who I am

    I’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand

    And you love me but you don’t know who I am

    So let me go, just let me go, let me go

    And no matter how hard I try

    I can’t escape these things inside

    I know, I know

    But all the pieces fall apart

    You will be the only one who knows, who knows

    You love me but you don’t know who I am

    I’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand

    And you love me but you don’t know who I am

    So let me go, just let me go

    (you don’t know)

    You love me but you don’t

    You love me but you don’t

    (you don’t know)

    You love me but you don’t know who I am

    (you don’t know)

    You love me but you don’t

    You love me but you don’t

    (you don’t know)

    You love me but you don’t know me

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    Instructions

    1. Step 1

    The first step toward healing is allowing yourself to accept that the relationship is over. At times, we can be in denial and avoid facing this simple fact.

    1. Step 2

    Stop punishing yourself for what happened, and let go of all of your negative feelings. Write a letter with all your negative feelings and burn it afterwards. Allow yourself to grieve.

    1. Step 3

    Once you have let go of these feelings and realize you cannot control such factors in your life, do some self introspective soul-searching to figure out what you have learned through the whole process. Make a list of all the lessons you have learned and find ways to apply them to a new life.

    1. Step 4

    Become new and do away with the old. Now is the time to let go of regrets, heartbreak and anything that wears you down. Get rid of all the negative influences in your old life and start fresh.

    1. Step 5

    Learn to smile, and find new ways to occupy your time. Develop new habits to replace the time you spent grieving over past relationships.

    Tips & Warnings

    • Keep a journal.
    • Think of happy moments with that person you loved, and in time the loss will be less painful.
    • Allow yourself to grieve, and be patient with the process, as it takes time.
    • Do not wallow.
    • Try to keep a distance between you and the person you love by avoiding in-person contact and phone calls.
    • Do not expect quick-and-easy solutions.

    -hopefully I can manage to do all of these… sometimes I want to believe that there was no real love only real people…

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